1. I've learned so much more about Mary.
Mary is the virgin who gave birth to a King. I know the story in the Bible, I have thought how I would feel being in her shoes as a pregnant virgin. What I never had until I became a mom was the connection with Mary of being a mother.
There is a passion that comes when you deliver your baby. This overwhelming love and protective instinct.
Although the Bible does not talk about the details in Mary's pregnancy, I've just imagined what life was like for her.
Mary carried Jesus in her tummy, felt his kicks and maybe some hiccups, and gave birth to him. She had that overwhelming love for him. She watched as he rolled over and held him as his first tooth came in. He was her baby and she knew she would have to give him up.
Her son died. She watched him grow up and never sin and then watched others be so hurtful and cruel to him. That had to have broke her heart.
I have learned so much about Mary and what type of woman she was. I would hate to see a cut knee on Nathan and she had to see her son be tortured. How absolutely terrible!
I have a new perspective on how strong, loyal, fierce, obedient, loving, and caring Mary was.
2. The fear in love.
I feel like I should have already known this from having my husband be told he shouldn't be alive at 21. When you love someone, the idea of them being gone is such a painful thought. I remember nights of crying when Caleb was in the hospital. I would give anything to trade places with him, or I would do anything just to have him better. There was fear there.
Now I'm a mom.
This fear has hit me so hard.
What if I lost Nathan?
When Nathan was 5 days old I freaked out that he had a cold sore (which he didn't) and an article on Google told me a baby died at 11 days old from a cold sore.
I became a hot mess and hysterical.
Caleb told me to go take a nap and calm down because I was so tired and not thinking correctly, and my mom told me it was going to be fine because it was just a sore from breastfeeding.
Well they should have told me about that sore!!
I just remember holding Nathan and praying that God would give me more than 11 days with him. I had this fear that he would be taken from me to soon and I couldn't imagine my life without him.
As months went by, Ebola became a topic in our country. We were no where near anyone that could have had Ebola but I took Nathan's temperature every day to make sure he didn't have a fever, which was the first sign of Ebola, or at least that's what GMA told me.
I had to do everything in my power to make sure he didn't get sick or hurt.
Fear.
So much fear.
Philippians 4:6-7
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for what He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" (NLT).
Fear is not of Jesus. It's not welcome in my home, in my mind, or in my heart. But what I have learned is fear is the devils strongest weapon against me since I have become a mom.
I fight fear daily.
3. I will never be enough for my kids
I am only human.
I am not physically strong, I mean I need help opening a pickle jar.
I am not invincible.
I cannot protect myself from everything, therefore I cannot protect my baby from everything.
I have learned that I am not enough.
If I have this pressure on myself to be all that my child needs then I will fail every time.
God knows what Nathan needs right now and what he will need in the future. God can protect Nathan, heal him, keep him safe, and never fail. I have to give up that control that I am all my child needs.
4. I know my child the best
Although I will never be enough, I do know my child the best.
Doctors can tell me something, friends and family can tell me something else, but in the end I know what's best and know him the best.
The gut feeling of a maternal instinct is amazing.
Becoming a mom I was so nervous where to put the baby when I had to go to the restroom, then my baby born and I knew what to do.
I still have questions and I don't admit I know everything, but when it comes to my child, I know what he needs when he makes a certain face, and when he needs a nap by a certain sound. I know him the best and I take that confidence when others come in and want to tell me something different.
Along with knowing your child the best comes another thing I've really learned,
5. EVERY kid is different. Every kid.
Comparing is the thief of joy.
When every kid is different then why are you comparing them? We are unique individuals from the second we are created. Some babies move like crazy in the womb. Others are more relaxed. Some have major hiccups, others like to stretch out on one side.
We are different from the moment we are created.
It's so hard when you are a new mom with lots of other new moms. Especially on social media.
You see their kid doing something and wonder why yours isn't. You look at the age or the size or what they are learning or what they are eating. You are a new mom so you are trying your best to be the best for your precious baby, and comparing can take over like wild fire.
Put that fire out right away.
You cannot compare.
Each child develops on his or her own time line. I think it is great that we now have doctors and researchers to give us a timeline of when your baby should start to eat solids or wave good-bye, but it is okay if your baby is at a different speed. Do not compare to other babies.
Comparing steals joy, and in this short time you want to keep all the joy that babies bring.
Which leads me to another topic,
6. Time flies
Remember sitting in first period waiting for the final bell to ring and go home? Man how time moved so slowly.
Well now I am a mom and, BAM! Just in a blink of an eye I have an 11 month old.
Wasn't he just born?
Wasn't I just crying because I heard him cry for the first time?
Didn't I just walk in the room to find him in a different spot and had missed him rolling over for the first time?
Didn't he just crawl?
Now he's running and saying words.
How did time go so quickly?
I have learned how fast a day goes. And some days I take it minute by minute (those meltdown days where I count to ten, a lot). But in general time flies.
Thank goodness for my handy phone that I can record and capture Nathan at any point of any day. Then I have those memories stored.
Those first giggles and sounds
Those first steps and first foods.
Time flies.
XOXO
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