Something that is big to me is wedding vows. We didn't write our own (although I love when people write their own, I totally cry every time). For the reasons that, I was so nervous and excited that I knew I would need to just repeat after the pastor and the tradition vows I think say exactly what needs to be said.
Today, and actually the past few months I've been thinking of wedding vows. And I have been thinking of family. It could be my brothers wedding that is bringing up thoughts and memories or it could just be that I'm hurt from the broken vows on my side of the family.
When Caleb and I got married, he also married my family and I his family. His parents became my parents and my parents became his parents. We became one in Christ which means we take each other's families as our own.
I feel very accepted into my new family. I feel like I can be myself and rely and trust my new family. I feel like they would fight for me and that they would fight for my marriage. They would fight for the vow we made in Christ and in front of all our family and friends.
But why is that not happening in today's culture? Why are we not fighting for marriage? Why when things get hard to people they find a way out? This very much angers me!
My marriage is not perfect. I learn every day what I can do or should do to be better. I feel like I can only do more to be a Proverbs 31 wife, which is my goal. I'm not perfect and I'm very thankful Caleb has patience and accepts my flaws and puts up with my craziness.
And although my marriage isn't perfect, it is good! It's awesome, it's fun, it's nice, it's real, and it's also hard! But here's the deal..... I won't leave when it's hard.
Marriage is hard. Of course it's hard! Marriage is of God and what does Satan want? To destroy all of Gods beautiful and holy creations. God made marriage and designed it to be beautiful and a way to draw closer to God. It's at the top of Satans list to tear down, put in temptations and lies and ultimately leave the marriage in devastation. And that's why we need to be rooted in God and learn how to communicate better and be selfless always.
But just because something's hard... Doesn't mean you get to peace out on your vows.
Alright... So it's this huge trend now days to peace out on your vows. See ya later through sickness and health. Hasta la vista through tough times and great times. Who cares about richer and poorer, because let's be real if you're going to get divorced you better have some money or you're going to be poor....
But what about our family? The ones that watched us say our vows. The ones that should be championing us in the dark times of marriage. In the hurt and brokenness. In the times we can't stop crying over something. Where is the family to encourage us and take their new daughter or new son and pray for them and still love them. Why do the families peace out also?
I'm actually really hurt by this! Watching my parents has been tough, but watching my extended family has made my blood boil.
Why are families so quick to take sides and play games off what one person says? Why are families so quick to cheer on the word divorce instead of encourage the words love and marriage?
I could really go on about this subject and talk your ear off, but instead I'll leave you with my heart.
If you are a family member of a couple that's having a hard time, please encourage them. Please love them. Please be the bigger person and take each of them individually, and love on them. Don't say spiteful things about the others, and if there is children involved take an extra minute before you speak and remember that it doesn't matter the age of the kids, they don't want to hear negative things about their parents.
Be awesome family and friends. When you witness those wedding vows, if you didn't speak when the pastor said, "speak now or forever hold your peace", then you FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE. It's not your place to speak, it's your place to pray and encourage and love.
Together we can prove that 50% of marriages don't end in divorce. We just really need community to come around and speak wisdom and truth into us. Hold us accountable. Celebrate in victories and hold our hands in trials.
And if you happen to be one of my family and friends that have done this, just be aware for the future. If another marriage you see is falling apart, come along side them and run with them in encouragement and love. Don't consistently push the word divorce and the idea that life is so much better single. From my view it's not. Let's allow God to bring beauty from ashes. I mean, what would Jesus do?
This was not written for those men and women that are in abusive relationships or a marriage that if you feel scared or unsafe. For anyone in that spot I encourage you talk to your pastor and seek guidance. This was written from my personal story and heart. For those that just "aren't in love anymore".