MOM.

When defined as a verb, the word mother means: give birth to. To any woman that has given birth you know how much of a super hero you are. Pushing out a human that you strait up made from your body is pretty B.A. in anyone's eyes! So right away, if you are called "Mom" you are a super hero.

My mom is a super hero. I apparently was so captivating as a newborn that my mom quit her job to stay home with me. She didn't go back to work till I was almost out of high school, and that new job of hers was at my high school. She gave up her social life and career for me and my brothers.

Growing up I looked up to my mom in every way. I wanted to dress just like her, even in those high waisted mom jeans. I wanted to sleep just like her, even though she buries her head in the covers and I have to go up for fresh air and end up sleeping with my mouth open. I wanted to have my nails look like hers, so tragedy struck when I would bite them out of stress or nervousness. I wanted to love like she did/does. I wanted my family to be just like hers/ours. She was my role model. When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said a stay at home mom. Why would I want to be a veterinarian, a doctor, a fire fighter or a ballerina when I could be my mom?

My mom deserves to be loved like no one else. She has a heart of gold and it is full of love and passion. She goes after the heart of Jesus like no one I have ever met before. When hard times come a-knockin’, she's right there with her nose in her bible.

Something that I really admire in my mom is her persistence in chasing after the heart of Jesus. No matter how hard life is, no matter how much the devil pushes her down, no matter what the people around her say, she focuses only on what Jesus tells her to do. It is so crazy to me how many people try to give her advice on her life at the moment. How can you give advice to someone when you have never been in their shoes? And this advice isn't encouragement to chase after what The Father wants for her, it’s peoples opinion that was never asked for. It drives me crazy hearing people tell her what to do, or think that she is a fool for believing that Jesus will work a miracle. Do they not know the heart of God and know that he still works miracles today? But that is a difference between my mom and I, she just smiles at them and then goes back to praying. I am very proud of you mom! Your faith and faithfulness in searching for what God wants for your life is the right thing to do! No matter how hard it is right now, you are doing the right thing!

My mom is captivating. She is the definition of a soft heart after someone stabbing it. She continues to say, “Yes” when this world constantly tells her, “No.” Jesus has been rejected so many times. He created every person. He loves every person. And not every person loves him back. So many people deny he even exist, but he still loves them. My mom follows this example of loving unconditionally. She is so beautiful inside and out. She opens her heart with no expectations.

Mom,
You are a beautiful rare treasure. Your sensitive and pure heart is so captivating to me. I am honored to call you my mom. You are an amazing role model. I have no idea what you are going through today, but I know that Jesus has you. I know that you are taken care of and will be rewarded. I can't even put into words how much you mean to me, and how much you are changing my life for the good. I still want to be you when I grow up. I want to look evil in the eye and fight it. I want to be as strong as you. I want to be humble like you. I know that all of these things you learned from Jesus. Your life brings others to look up and see Jesus, and for that he is well pleased. You have done as your Father has requested. You may look like a fool to people here on earth, but they just don’t understand. Maybe one day they will, but until then I fully believe that you are showing them Heaven on Earth. You are showing the love that Jesus shows for us every day. You are showing faithfulness in the most broken time. You are showing the world that battling against the devil is so hard, so hurtful, and so emotionally draining, but it does not kill you. The devil has not brought you down on your worst day. He can never bring you down! Thank you for setting such an incredible example to so many people. You are the most wonderful mother. Thank you for sacrificing so much for me. The words that have come to me for this season you are in are; romance, desired, and fearless. Let Jesus romance you. Let him show you the priceless gifts that only he can give you. Go on a date with him. Let him remind you of how beautiful you are. Remember that you are desired. God created YOU. He wants your full heart. He desires to be a part of you every day life and he desires to laugh, cry, and dance with you. Be fearless. Let Jesus catch your tears. Continue taking that leap of faith. You can do all things through him, and knowing that, you can be fearless. I love you.


“You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride;
you have stolen my heart
with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace…
You are a garden fountain,
a well of flowing water
streaming down from Lebanon.”
Song of Songs 4: 9, 15

xoxo

Captivated.

Six years ago I bought the book and guided journal, “Captivating” by John and Stasi Eldredge. I still have yet to finish the book. I read a couple chapters here and there and then pick up something else. It never fails that I always pick it up right when the season in my life links up with the chapter that my bookmark is on.

My heart is very hurt this year. A lot of drama going on in my family, and as there is drama in every family, this drama personally tugs on my heart. So this week when I picked up “Captivating” again, I had an attitude. This author tells me that Jesus is my bridegroom. That was so hard for me to grasp onto.

In the guided journal it reads,

“You are meant to fill a place in the heart of God no one and nothing else can fill. He longs for you. You are the one that overwhelms his heart with just one glance of your eyes (Song 4:9b). You are the one he sings over with delight and longs to dance with across mountain tops and ballroom floors (Zeph. 3:17). You are the one who takes his breath away by your beautiful heart that, against all odds, hopes in him. Let that be true for a moment. Let it be true of you.”
-Captivating: A Guided Journal pg. 133
I became very overwhelmed by this paragraph. God wants me? I fill a part of him that no one else can ever fill? How can that be? God do you realize how many people are on this earth? How many people have been on the earth? How many people are not yet here on this earth? This is in the bible, and all these people have the same access to these same words.

I started asking God, “to be a woman and have your deepest desire to be wanted, needed, and loved, its crazy to think the King of Kings wants me. And just I just think he wants everyone, I'm not the only one. Watching what is going on with my parents its so frustrating to see that my mom is not the only one. So how does this make me feel that I am not the only one? I'm jealous of all the other children of God. Is this the part where God becomes the father? He loves us all like a dad, but loves us individually like a bridegroom?”

Continuing to dig into this chapter I come to learn that from the beginning of my life Jesus has been romancing me. He placed my favorite flower in front of my eyes when I needed a smile. He sent birds to sing to me as my alarm in elementary school. He placed promises in my heart for when I felt so alone and sad. So many little gifts that he only gave to me. He let the wind blow through my hair in the car and allow me to smile at the simple treasures in life that make my life so much greater. These little gifts along with others show how they were personalized to me and how he seeks out the desires of my heart.

This was such a simple lesson to me. Not so deep to move mountains, but really impacting to realize, and for the first time understand, that God is my bridegroom. He gives me kisses through his simple gifts to me. He paid the ultimate sacrifice for me, he was humiliated in front of so many people for me, and he died on the cross for me. This shows me that he is faithful and longs to be in a one-on-one relationship with me. He is not man that will cheat, lie, and manipulate. He is the most consistent relationship a woman can have, and he knows exactly how to make her feel like the only girl in the world.

A couple pages later I was no longer jealous of all the other women in the world. I felt a love for them. I want them to feel how I feel. I want them to know that they are captivating and beautiful and the perfect Man is right there in front of them. Every woman deserves to be longed for and wanted. Every woman should feel giddy, important and desired. Well my sisters, you are! You impact the King of Kings. You matter! Your life has purpose and weight, and Jesus wants you to receive his personal gifts from him. Only gifts that you can receive. I will never get the gifts that Gods sends to you. He wants to be silly with you and dance passionately across the mountain tops with YOU.

We have an awesome bridegroom.

xoxo