Six years ago I bought the book and guided journal, “Captivating” by John and Stasi Eldredge. I still have yet to finish the book. I read a couple chapters here and there and then pick up something else. It never fails that I always pick it up right when the season in my life links up with the chapter that my bookmark is on.
My heart is very hurt this year. A lot of drama going on in my family, and as there is drama in every family, this drama personally tugs on my heart. So this week when I picked up “Captivating” again, I had an attitude. This author tells me that Jesus is my bridegroom. That was so hard for me to grasp onto.
In the guided journal it reads,
-Captivating: A Guided Journal pg. 133
I became very overwhelmed by this paragraph. God wants me? I fill a part of him that no one else can ever fill? How can that be? God do you realize how many people are on this earth? How many people have been on the earth? How many people are not yet here on this earth? This is in the bible, and all these people have the same access to these same words.
I started asking God, “to be a woman and have your deepest desire to be wanted, needed, and loved, its crazy to think the King of Kings wants me. And just I just think he wants everyone, I'm not the only one. Watching what is going on with my parents its so frustrating to see that my mom is not the only one. So how does this make me feel that I am not the only one? I'm jealous of all the other children of God. Is this the part where God becomes the father? He loves us all like a dad, but loves us individually like a bridegroom?”
Continuing to dig into this chapter I come to learn that from the beginning of my life Jesus has been romancing me. He placed my favorite flower in front of my eyes when I needed a smile. He sent birds to sing to me as my alarm in elementary school. He placed promises in my heart for when I felt so alone and sad. So many little gifts that he only gave to me. He let the wind blow through my hair in the car and allow me to smile at the simple treasures in life that make my life so much greater. These little gifts along with others show how they were personalized to me and how he seeks out the desires of my heart.
This was such a simple lesson to me. Not so deep to move mountains, but really impacting to realize, and for the first time understand, that God is my bridegroom. He gives me kisses through his simple gifts to me. He paid the ultimate sacrifice for me, he was humiliated in front of so many people for me, and he died on the cross for me. This shows me that he is faithful and longs to be in a one-on-one relationship with me. He is not man that will cheat, lie, and manipulate. He is the most consistent relationship a woman can have, and he knows exactly how to make her feel like the only girl in the world.
A couple pages later I was no longer jealous of all the other women in the world. I felt a love for them. I want them to feel how I feel. I want them to know that they are captivating and beautiful and the perfect Man is right there in front of them. Every woman deserves to be longed for and wanted. Every woman should feel giddy, important and desired. Well my sisters, you are! You impact the King of Kings. You matter! Your life has purpose and weight, and Jesus wants you to receive his personal gifts from him. Only gifts that you can receive. I will never get the gifts that Gods sends to you. He wants to be silly with you and dance passionately across the mountain tops with YOU.
We have an awesome bridegroom.
xoxo
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